Memo no 8 to the Bible God aka the Hebrew God

Gawd, in my last memo [No 7 that is] I quoted you as having said, inter alia, I can do what I want, when I want and where I want. That’s super splendid, I must admit. In memo 6 I discussed briefly about wealth, including the heavenly wealth – the Holy City – that came down to Earth as narrated in Revelation. Description of the Holy City as recorded in Revelation:

  • 21.18. The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass.
  • 21.19. The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald,
  • 21.20. The fifth sardonyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst.
  • 21.21. The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of pure gold, like transparent glass.

But what has irked me, a lowly human, is that with such wealth why was there a need for your people to contribute to your coffers? As I mentioned, you were hard-up for peanuts despite having created the Earth/universe ex-nihilo. Wasn’t that bizarre? It was, you now admit? That’s good, that’s what I would call “godly honesty”.

OK, Gawd, now to some serious business: with your all-lovingness and omnipotence, can I request you to make a US$100 billion transfer into my secret account with Swiss Bank Corporation, Geneva? With your omniscience you already know the account number. But just in case, I am in the habit for certainty, the secret account number is XX7649020AB932Y repeat RZQP53198374FU2. Once the money is deposited – you gonna do it within a few days, you say? – I shall transfer US$99 billion [that’s 99 percent] to the United Nations for distribution to countries that are in need of food and other resources for their poor people. Is that Ok with you? I keep the remaining measly balance of 1 percent for my PC maintenance and as reserve for PC replacement, say, three years down the road. You agree? That’s splendid, Gawd. That’s very generous of you. I shall diarise, oops, enter your name into my PC memory to ensure your gift is remembered for all time. That’s fine with you? Good.

But Gawd, are you capable of depositing the money? It dawned on me a moment ago that someone had been praying to you fervently for years for a bicycle but getting nowhere in the process. So out of frustration that his supplications had gone unanswered and coupled with the total erosion of his patience through waiting for so long for something for which there was not a shred of evidence, he stole a bicycle and decided he should pray to you for just forgiveness; he thought this was an easier thing to do, that is, committing a bicycle theft and then asking for forgiveness is a lot easier than praying for a bicycle. But he also wanted to be sure of receiving forgiveness. How? So he confessed to a priest, one of your so-called many representatives on Earth and he received not only forgiveness but also blessings from the priest. And his penance for theft was to recite ten “Our Father” and ten “Hail Mary”. No wonder, some of your followers claim you are working in mysterious ways. Mysterious or otherwise, such claims can have no rational basis.

Gawd, I think you are a scoundrel and a bull-shitter. Do you agree? You do, but only on a 50/50 basis? How so? I see, you say you are only 50 percent blameworthy and the other 50 percent rests on your followers? But you do realize that both these percentages add up to 100 percent? You do? Good, that shows you are capable of human reasoning, despite your worse than animal instinct. That sounds bullshit but logical.

PS: This was a piece posted in another forum [Atheism v Theism] some years ago.

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